I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
