I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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