I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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