You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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