I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
