If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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