Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
