New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
