so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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