The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
