i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
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