Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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