having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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