No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You can't motorboat a personality
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
