I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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