Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
