I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
