I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
