Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
