1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
