you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Everyone says I win the strip club
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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