would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
