can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
