So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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