Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
