I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
