Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
