hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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