I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
this is an emotional support booty call
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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