That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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