why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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