totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
