So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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