She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
