Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
