so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
