if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
is this the sara with the beer cane?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
