Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
