i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
