just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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