What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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