some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
