I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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