my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
