im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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