he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
