Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
