Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
