how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
