dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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