i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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